Deer Mountain Wood Art

Well, it's sure been a week - everything happens around here at the same time.
I was helping Jim Monday with arrangements for Mary, which seemed somewhat easier being on this side this time. Jim did well, and I was proud of him. The funeral director lady was a little too pragmatic for me, but I tried to keep Jim busy through her mantra about bodies and dates of arrivals etc... it was weird.
When we went back to Jim's he showed us a book that Mary had written in 1989; Hortense and Gertrude. I have heard that title before and found myself quite intrigued to find out she had several more volumes of children's stories she'd written. He might let me publish them and I'm easily thrilled by the idea of carrying on her legacy! :) I wish I could do something about her home - the walls are covered in beautiful eagles she's painted and little kitschy stuff everywhere - very eclectic but warm and homey - a style that is very close to the very core of me! What a creative and talented soul she was!! Maybe something good will come of all of this?
I had planned the next day to go see Denita. It started snowing but I found myself still happy about the journey to see my friend. I realized that she may not even know I was there, but still I would be by her side for a little while.
It continued to get colder and the snow deeper, but whatever - I can usually do what I put my mind to, so what's a little snow!?
The next morning I awoke to around 9" of fresh frozen snow - the wind was picking up and I was beginning to seriously wonder about my decision. I heard the phone ring, but I was rushing around getting orders ready to post, so I didn't realize that anything important was going on until Roger's words stopped me in my tracks, "Denita died last night". He was so monotone that I thought I may have misunderstood so I kept standing there waiting for him to clarify his statement. I hadn't heard wrong though. sigh... He had told Vivian that I was out working and would call her later. I guess he was hoping that by his telling me that it would be easier to take. In a way it may have appeared so, but in truth it just made it seem more surreal. I didn't cry really, and haven't until tonight.
We had a Christmas concert to go to tonight - running down the mountain on icy winding roads is enough to keep me distracted from the dreaded dark of night! When we got to the concert though and all of the unknown faces greeted me, the reality of this loss kind of hit me right between the eyes. After all of these years I didn't see more than 3 or 4 people, besides teachers and faculty, that I actually recognized?
It's not like Denita would've been there - her kids graduated with mine pretty much - but it dawned on me that all of the people that made this a community for me in the past were gone. Whether they've died, moved on, or just had kids that grew out of the school doesn't really matter, they're gone just the same. Blah, what a crappy feeling - I need to find my smile tonite. My face feels like I've had a bad dose of Botox! :(
Anyway, Kay kind of brought everything in perspective the other day when she said to not feel bad for her, we're the ones that are left to feel the loss and she won't be in pain anymore. I could tell that that was how she really felt and wasn't just trying to cheer me up. She was so silly about it all that it just really made me look at death in a whole different way - I sure do love that woman! :]
So with that, even though even the local doggies seem to be passing away from obscure diseases and I have only a handful of friends left, I vow to carry on - no more dark posts, no more will the stale pall of death and loss overshadow me! I will do as Kay has bid; live with everything you have, enjoy every moment, and pass from this world knowing you've left something behind that's worthy of remembering you by!
Done and done - now, I'm going to go be with my babies and new puppy and breathe in the air that carries the hope that only holidays like Christmas can give - life doesn't stand still for anyone, and it is our choice what we do with what we have....
Blessings,
Freida

First off, I want to acknowledge again, all those that sent prayers and well wishes for Jim and Mary - it won't be forgotten and I can never say how much it meant to me personally. I've been putting off this post because I know I'm going to cry, but I thought since I am already, I might as well get this done.
Mary's gone. 5:19pm - they removed her ventilator and she only survived for 3 minutes. It was peaceful, but oh, so sad. Jim is okay, he's strange right now - but I recognize that strangeness, been there, done that. When my husband passed, I'm sure they thought they'd have to hospitalize me, but I made it. Even though it's been 16 yrs, I still think of him every day and I'm sure that Jim will do so as well - it just never goes away, it gets milder, but never forgotten...
Tomorrow I'm going with him to help with funeral arrangements. It's been so long that I'm not sure I remember what needs to be done - I was a mess and probably couldn't remember much anyway, but I'm hoping I can help him.
Roger has been by his side for most of the time - he went up to see Mary the day before. When he joked with her, as he used to always, about dancing(she was wheelchair ridden since her stroke) and that she needed to get up, her blood pressure actually went way up! She also moved her hand in his, so we know she knew that he was there and it sure did make Jim's face light up. I know when they shut off the vent that he was straining trying to will her to survive, but it just wasn't meant to be.
He's been trying to accept it and throw himself into the logical side of preparing the funeral arrangements and notifying everyone, but Roger finally took over that part as you could see the strain in his eyes from the pain of it all. Her kids that live close wouldn't come up to see her, and even the one daughter that lives near where they will lay her to rest says she can't come to the funeral unless Jim sends her money. That seems to be all that they all want, and it's so hurtful to Jim. Roger wants to punch out her son, but out of respect he won't of course, but why does it have to be this way?
I'll never forget everyone at Lynn's arrangements talking about what they wanted and how hurt they were that he took his own life. They had no idea the pain he was in and didn't want to feel for him, just themselves. I, being only the wife, really didn't get any respect in that I might know what was best for him or such. The only say it seemed I had was in his coffin. I remember telling the director that I just didn't want him to be in an old pine box. I was too poor to have much say, but he didn't put him in an 'old pine box' - it was a new pine box covered in grey felt?!? :( I still hate that. He was a veteran and deserved far more!
But anyway, I also have to help with the clothing and I wished I knew her better - all I can do it seems is write stuff down and help with the shoulder. I can feel his pain and hope that I can be strong for him - he needs that now.
So, that's that - the sun was shining so bright and warm today - seemed like it all was so out of place? My old friend is back, the pungent taste of grief and pain... strong in my memories

Do you ever feel that you're in some sort of dream that you can't wake up from? It's been like that all of my life and I can't help but feel even more dazed and confused as I watch the scenes from snippets of dark movies flash blurringly all around me.
Day before yesterday I ran into my friend's daughter at Walgreen's. After a few moments of catch-up she asked if Roger had told me about her mom. I said he hadn't mentioned anything and she hesitated for a moment before revealing that Denita was in the ICU and wasn't expected to live through the holidays.
I couldn't help the tears as she related how her condition had so rapidly advanced and she was now a mere 56lbs and delirious.
Denita's been sick for quite a few years - nearly ever since I've known her. A type of leukemia that she seemed to have in control. We had talked a few times about what might happen and the time frame involved, but it just never dawned on me that she could go so quickly, and without so much as a whimper. I saw her last in Walmart, so skinny, toting an oxygen machine and driving around in a motorized cart. She didn't look good, but she was saying that they just didn't have her meds right... I always take for granted, I guess, that my friends and family will be around forever and don't pay attention the way I should. But she was busy, being with her daughter, whom she'd had so much trouble with. It was nice to see them together and that is what I was focused on. She really didn't seem to 'need' me like before and I felt that as soon as the drs got everything 'straightened out' she'd be her same old self... too late, always :(
I'm hoping that I will get caught up on orders and get to go see her in the next couple of days. Surely I have some time still?
I think they're all getting a little tired of my sadness and the 'impending doom' look I have when I see them. Kay is so sweet, but I know when I talk to her that she gets annoyed at my tears - of course she'd rather have some quality time with her friend than this!
I'll be seeing her tomorrow, but she has to wear a mask and such so that if I have any germs she won't pass from the exposure I could subject her to. I'll probably stand on the porch and talk to her through the screen door. Another reminder that life is WAY too short! :(
And now, Jim is waiting for Mary's kids to arrive to say goodbye, before they let her go. She hasn't regained consciousness and the doctor said today that half of her heart has died. He's beside himself in grief, but is trying desperately to put on a strong face for everyone. I have such a hard time trying to figure out how this could've happened. I know we're not supposed to question the wisdom of God, but I really don't feel this is something of a benevolent God's doing!
So I asked Ryan tonight why everyone around me is going away? I don't know if it's that I'm older and therefore everyone else is older, and that's what you inevitably go through with an older circle of friends.
I'm not sure what is going on, but I really don't like it - not one bit!!

hah! She made it!! =D Jim was audibly relieved! They took out 3 ft of large and 5 ft of small intestine that was pure black! I sure wished they'd listened to her when she was complaining about the pain :( But, although not out the woods by far, at least she survived this part so far - thanks so much to everyone for their prayers! =D
I just finished cutting a quarter panel of a very large large puzzle and it only took me, ummm, 4.5 hours? Dang, no profit here, eh!?! Never is though... anyway, just glad I'm finally getting my 'stride' on this one - started out r-o-u-g-h!! I hate to go to bed, as I'll have to 'warm up' all over again :( Getting a lot of 'warm up' pieces done though! lol Will list them soon...
So I guess I better try to sleep - it's 1am and I'm a little wound up from cutting and the news on Mary, but I'm sure I'll nod off as soon as I get there :0)
Thanks again - I really believe the prayers are the most helpful right now, and all of you that are still doing so, I can't thank you enough!
{{{hugs}}}
F

I appreciate all of the wonderful folks praying for Mary and Jim - thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Mary was doing so well after they moved her up to Colorado Springs and, in fact, fixed her throat so that she could talk!
Everything was looking so good, but she was still having pain in her stomach and even though she complained about it, they just told her it was because of the major surgery she'd had.
I guess she knew better - today they sent her to another hospital for emergency surgery on her colon - the lower part of her intestines is dead and needs to be removed. They don't think she's going to make it out of surgery.
Jim is beside himself and told us in a broken voice that he just doesn't understand what happened? This is so unbelievable to me!
But I only ask that you will join with me to pray for her - she should be out of the o.r. very soon I hope and will let you know - but please, please, please pray - it's the only hope
Love,
Freida


Thanks for "stopping by the shop!"
Freida

I was sick all weekend - yuk! :( I did manage to reach over to my keyboard here and there and try to breathe some life back in my limp and fevered body, but only with limited success. I told my husband, "I'm dizzy". He replied, "But you're not blonde!?" Shame on him! For the bad joke as well as making fun of my plight!
I feel a modicum better and am hoping that, as I attempt to pick up where I left off before the strep grabbed me, literally, by the throat, you will forgive again my lapse of fortitude! I'm getting older, and things seem to hit me harder these days :(

I really wanted to blog last night - it was a definite withdrawal situation! I had so many things I wanted to write about! Especially this; "How to Change Your Hobby into Your Business". It's funny that I couldn't muster the strength to do so, and very fortunate at the same time! I realize now it was the Big Guy's way of keeping me from making a serious idiot of myself, and can only say, "Thanks BG!" in return for the divine intervention!!
At various times through the day, as my fever broke, I would try to get on here and send a quip or two and conduct a little 'business'. All the while I was trying to imagine what I would say about this topic.
It was strange how I would get distracted by everything I saw on here and fail to write "The Post"? I had great intentions of helping others, but at 2am it washed over me - the knowledge that I lacked the experience and know-how to write such a post!!
How uppity, how totally self-involved and conceited I was to think that I could write to you about how to start, grow, and maintain a truly successful business! If I know so much about it, why don't I have one?!!!?

I have been allowed, although, the vision that maybe it will be more informational/entertaining if I ask you to go along with me on my journey to moving my, slightly more than, hobby/business into a full-fledge entrepreneurship and hope you will advise, critique, and help mold me into the successful woman I would so love to be! Will you go with me on this journey? I would be honored if you would! =0)

Okay, so onward and upward!

I wanted to update you all on Mary's progress this morning; She's taken a backward turn again, falling prey to obscure, rare infections that were received during surgery and her subsequent tracheotomy. Jim told me the two names for the infections she's fighting, but I certainly can't remember even vaguely what they are, but they are serious he says :0(
Jim is staying by her side, night and day, and when I told him that he was beginning to gain so much medical knowledge that he probably knew more than the doctors, he confirmed as much by telling me of the massive amount of papers strewn across the table in his conversion van that he's been trying to understand and keep up with. So much for being "too old to learn new things"!!
I'm overwhelmed with compassion for him as he sounds so beaten and exhausted, but optimistic, as Mary is still conscious and tries to speak to him.
Last night as he was getting ready to go out to the van to await his next 30 minute session, she wrapped her arm around his neck in an attempt to have him take her with him. She's tired, and tired of being there. I can only imagine what it's like! Being able to think and feel, but not really communicate! How awful!! So I'm hoping that you will continue to pray diligently for this couple as I believe it's working!

Friday I called Kay to talk about her Broncos helmet I'm making her for one of her Christmas presents this year and heard that she is incredibly ill - I hope that you will pray for her as well as her doctor told her on her last visit to "get in contact with Hospice"! :0( I'm losing everyone I care about and it's mind numbing :0(

Kay started out as a client - she wanted a scene on the entertainment center her husband was building and is in love with mountain lions. I can't remember how she found me, but I'm glad she did!
I seem to always end up being friends with my clients but Kay has always been special. Every year she makes sure that I create her gifts for her sons and nephews - football pieces usually - and loves it when I make her a "good deal"!:) This year I'm making a Dolphin's helmet and a Bronco's helmet.
Anyway, I called to ask whether she wanted the 'old style' Broncos helmet or the newer, simpler, design, as well as to check up on her. She has rheumatoid arthritis and is getting more and more housebound. This year she found out she has COPD and wasn't really sure what all of that meant until she came back this last month with the news that she has emphysema and her lung capacity was at 38%. She totally 'got it' then - I don't understand why the doctors didn't explain it to her so that she could've helped herself to not get worse with the COPD? She doesn't either - she says they never once told her to quit smoking or change anything she was doing? Now, it's too late. But she did quit...
We talked about how, when one of her nephews died suddenly last year, we would want to know in advance if we were going to die so that we could 'set things in order' before we went. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but Friday she told me that it's not good to know; everyone's watching her all of the time, and her husband is overwrought with stress and anxiety, fearing that he'll wake up one morning and she'll be gone. She's not sure she's even going to be here for Christmas and it's the hardest thing in the world, I think now, to know you're going soon! :0( All of this over the last few years has really had an affect on the way I think about death, friendship, love, and the truly important 'stuff' of life...

After all of the miracles with Mary, I told Kay that I would ask you for prayers - she said she would be so grateful for any help you could send in that department! I believe in miracles and the power of prayer - I don't know of any other way for the impossible to become possible!

So I always have a lot to say, but I know that you may not be able to handle having to read a novel during your busy, busy day, so I'll close with {{{hugs}}} and a [Thank you!] for all of the help, encouragement, and prayers you send! I need it, love it, and appreciate it, more than you'll ever know!

Thanks, as always, for "stopping by the shop!"
Freida

Yep! I'm finally making the 'big bucks!'

As you know, I run a few ads here with ProjectWonderful and Entrecard - I try to keep them at a minimum as I don't want to inundate you with ads, but a girl's gotta try to make a buck when she can!! =D
So when I checked on pending ads in my ProjectWonderful cue I was surprised to see that I am not losing money anymore on my ads!

Officially, at 7am this morning, Project Wonderful stated that "At this exact moment, you're bidding at $0.17 per day, and bids on your ad boxes are earning at $0.19 per day"! Yay!! (Is that really how you spell that??lol)
So, I guess you could say that I've finally 'arrived' at the status of 'money-making bloggers'!! Suhwheet! =D
Thanks to all of my lovely advertisers and you, my wonderful readers, who click on them and cause advertisers to believe I'm worth running an ad on! =D Thank you! Thank you! [bowing and blowing kisses - end of Blogger Award speech]

hummm, Entrecard is also a fun way to discover new blogs with good reads - I highly recommend it for that reason - it's not going to make me a fortune, but at least it's pretty much free(unless you want to buy EC credits?), and it gets you plenty of views :)
Most are what they call 'drop and run' viewers, but if you have engaging content, they can't help but stop for awhile! I find more great things to read and learn about while 'dropping' my Entrecards - it's pretty awesome :0)

Okay, I have a ton of serious stuff to tell you this morning -

• there's an update on Mary; they had her sitting up yesterday!!! WOW! I can't believe it - isn't the good Lord awesome!!?! I know it's all the prayers that were sent for them - THANK YOU!!
  

• Roger's been getting steady work! Thank Goodness - I'm at risk right now of losing my home unless we can raise the $762 due for taxes :( Been a rough few months! So with him working and my work, we probably will scrape by, like usual! lol
  

• I'm going to be getting serious about DeerMountain - licensing and all - finally after 5+ years!lol I have a lot to tell you about 'getting serious' with your home-based business! I will be dedicating an entire post just to that subject within the next couple of days, be sure to check it out - it will have lots of information that you will really find invaluable! I promise!!
  

• We traded an old van Roger fixed up(one of those Conversion type vans - the big ones that were so popular with dating in my generation!lol) for the remaining payments on my car - so it's free and clear!! Yippee!! That should help a lot! :0)
  

• Work is going well - finally getting time to get everything done! That's a big task; trying to balance family, work, and me-time!! whew!
  

• I was asked to join a local gallery yesterday but it's $30/month and that's a risk I can't afford right now - I mean, what if nothing sells?!? How does one have enough faith in their work to take a chance like that?
  

• And finally, if you're disabled and you're considering 'going legit' on your work/art then you need to contact me right away! I have some information you need - seriously!! You wouldn't believe how many disabled folks are running their own businesses from home! Or how many artists you know who are in this category!! It's mind blowing! So you really do need to get in touch with me - now!!!! if you fit this description! :0) Click here to go to my Etsy shop and then click on the top where it says 'conversations' - I will get back to you asap with the info you need... I really believe you'll be glad you did!! =D
  

On the home front, Ryan's coming home this weekend :0) So you know I'll be silly happy! lol Even though he will make me do more deep cleaning! I need to and it feels great too :0)

Okay, that's just not fair!!lol During the small amount of time I've been typing this to you my ProjectWonderful ads changed their money-earning ratio and I'm no longer Queen of the Net!!!?? I even had to add a question mark at the end of my title!!!
Here's what it says now, "At this exact moment, you're bidding at $0.17 per day, and bids on your ad boxes are earning at $0.11 per day" - dang, that's a bummer!! lol
Oh well, goes to show the fickleness of marketing, eh?! I think that since it's finally went to a 'profit status' it will again more easily now, so I'm not worried - or should I be?lol

Thanks for "stopping by the shop!"
Freida

Well I finally got to see Dr. 90210 (you remember, I mentioned in on the BlockHead talk radio program last Monday night?) and am just delighted that they are going to work through their problems! See, divorce, not always the answer!! =D
I was thinking about my oldest being gone in college and I realized that that is what has me down lately. Everything, except for financially (you know about that too, eh?!), is going really well right now - but I'm overwhelmed by a very dark shadow anyway!?
But I realize now that, even though he's not far away and comes home often, not having Ryan here has been like having a death in the family! He's not here and I cannot talk to him when I want, hold him when I need a hug, or be subject to his long heavy legs lying on my lap while we watch a movie. I have told myself many times to put it out of my mind, and I've lost many that I loved and remember telling myself the same thing during those times. It was a cold and lonely air of recognition; my old 'friend', grief, that washed over me at that moment.

So how do I change it? I still have Tyler and Austin here, and they are still very dependent on me, so why this hole in my soul?? and how do I fix it so I can get back to my old self and be there for my other two boys as well as my husband, friends, and clients?? Something I guess I'll have to try to put some extra effort into to change...
Roger got to work with Jim today and said it was the best day the two have had in a long while. Jim was cheerful, fun, and a pleasure to be around. All that said, as soon as their work was done, Jim was flying down the road to see Mary.
I haven't heard from him yet tonight, but I sure hope it will be a good visit for them!
I got to tell him this afternoon, before they quit work, about all of your well wishes and prayers and I'm quite touched by the tears that welled up in his eyes. He really is a sweet person and I know that he would be amazed at all of the emails, comments, and convos I've received for him! I intend to print them all out for him to see =D and I'll let you know what he says!
Well, in between all of the homey interruptions, it's only taken me 3 hours to get this written!lol So I will close with a fond adieu' for now and send wishes of peace and happiness your way - until next time;

Thanks for "stopping by the shop!"
Freida

I have been trying hard today to get it together - just haven't felt like much of anything at all! I even went out and planed a board for a project thinking maybe I just needed to get something going and I'd be alright. {sigh} Nothing's working - I know I'm getting LittleMan's strep - when I was in my teens I came down with it every 6 months like clockwork and I don't take being sick well - for me, it's a weakness that I can't allow myself :( Besides that, what mother is truly every allowed to get sick!?!? Laying in bed all day, getting waited on!?! hah! like that would happen!!lol


ANYWAY, I just heard from a friend of ours and I had to relay my happiness and a story of true love - the kind you don't see anymore.

My hubby works for a man named Jim. His wife, MaryLou, is a stoic, and stern woman of Native American descent, whom I've never had the courage to try and get to know. I have waved at her here and there, but never 'officially' met her.

I made her a NFL Steeler's Helmet a while back as Jim said that was her favorite team, and he gave it to her as a present from me - and even though she said she didn't know what she's "...going to do with that...", Jim said he's caught her on occasion "petting" it (everything I make is extremely silky to touch - my trademark of sorts) along with other things I've made them - lots of eagles! - but will put it down the minute he comes into the room!lol I think that's cute :) It was great that Jim told me this, as I worry unless I know the recipient likes what I've made them!lol

But anyway, she had a stroke many years ago that's left her unable to smile really, or talk clearly, or be out of a wheelchair and my husband is often called to look in on her. Every time they are out working on a job somewhere, Jim calls Mary 20 times or more a day to check on her - or takes her with him if he's going to be gone long. Every once in a while she'll knock the phone off the receiver or fall out of her chair and he freaks out until he can get home to see if she's okay. I couldn't understand their relationship though, as my hubby will tell me, " She wanted a big screen t.v. and Jim went and bought her a 70" t.v. and she doesn't like it" or before she'd had her stroke, things like, "He bought her this really fancy car that cost an arm and a leg and she hated it - it's sat in the garage ever since"... things like that. So maybe you can see why I am in awe of this relationship - Jim is one of those guys that you just don't find anywhere - and she's supposedly cheated on him and everything else during their many years together(according to her son) and treats him like crap. There's got to be more to it than that though, I tell myself. There's nobody that good - that loving - that unselfish...! I don't know if I'll ever know for sure?
Anyway, the other month she had another stroke. She's been in and out of surgery, in and out of a coma, on death's door for over a month and a half. Jim's been there, every minute, by her side - grieving and crying over her. I don't think he's even eaten more than a sandwich a week. He and Roger went to work one day and they made it half a day and then Jim was off, driving the 40+ miles to be by her side. He almost went crazy trying to get out of that job! I've talked to him on several occasions during this and am just floored by the fact that if something happens to her, he's gone - there's no doubt in my mind! So I pray for her, for him. They let him go into ICU for 20 minutes of every hour, and he's not missed one except the day he tried to work. The doctors have told him to go home, "she doesn't know you're here" and I'm sure he is exhausted! But he stays. Today, he made me cry.

He says he went in her room and went towards the bed to be by her and she reached up and grabbed his shirt, pulled him down and hugged him, patted his back and said, "maybe just 5 more minutes..." He called crying, she's not spoke this whole time - she even had to have a trac put in last week cuz she couldn't breath. But she still managed to speak to him through all of this today and I'm beside myself in joy. I don't even know the woman, but I am sitting here bawling like a baby on the phone with him!?! I love this man and what he is to her - it's so uplifting in such a dismal world! Even today I heard that two people I never thought would be apart after over 25 years are going their separate ways! I hate divorce, it's too easy! I'm with a man 20 years my senior, who doesn't offer me much - but we are together, and we have a miracle of a child - God wants us to be together - I don't know why, but He does! I've thought many times of escape over the years - regret filling every pore of my being, but I toughed it out and will until 'death do us part' - Divorce should NOT be easy!! We are friends now, but if I had let my emotions rule me then I would have missed out on a lot! Be patient with each other, be kind. Life's too short! I'm hoping that Mary truly will be 'on the mend' but I can't help thinking that the old adage, "a bulb burns brightest before it goes out" and how this might apply to Mary. She's in such bad shape, but I will never try to out-guess what God might have in store for any of us and she just might pull through it!?
Do you have what it takes to be this loving, faithful, and devoted - do I? I don't know, but I think I have met someone who does!
{{{hugs}}}
Freida


Thanks for "stopping by the shop!"