Deer Mountain Wood Art

Well, it's sure been a week - everything happens around here at the same time.
I was helping Jim Monday with arrangements for Mary, which seemed somewhat easier being on this side this time. Jim did well, and I was proud of him. The funeral director lady was a little too pragmatic for me, but I tried to keep Jim busy through her mantra about bodies and dates of arrivals etc... it was weird.
When we went back to Jim's he showed us a book that Mary had written in 1989; Hortense and Gertrude. I have heard that title before and found myself quite intrigued to find out she had several more volumes of children's stories she'd written. He might let me publish them and I'm easily thrilled by the idea of carrying on her legacy! :) I wish I could do something about her home - the walls are covered in beautiful eagles she's painted and little kitschy stuff everywhere - very eclectic but warm and homey - a style that is very close to the very core of me! What a creative and talented soul she was!! Maybe something good will come of all of this?
I had planned the next day to go see Denita. It started snowing but I found myself still happy about the journey to see my friend. I realized that she may not even know I was there, but still I would be by her side for a little while.
It continued to get colder and the snow deeper, but whatever - I can usually do what I put my mind to, so what's a little snow!?
The next morning I awoke to around 9" of fresh frozen snow - the wind was picking up and I was beginning to seriously wonder about my decision. I heard the phone ring, but I was rushing around getting orders ready to post, so I didn't realize that anything important was going on until Roger's words stopped me in my tracks, "Denita died last night". He was so monotone that I thought I may have misunderstood so I kept standing there waiting for him to clarify his statement. I hadn't heard wrong though. sigh... He had told Vivian that I was out working and would call her later. I guess he was hoping that by his telling me that it would be easier to take. In a way it may have appeared so, but in truth it just made it seem more surreal. I didn't cry really, and haven't until tonight.
We had a Christmas concert to go to tonight - running down the mountain on icy winding roads is enough to keep me distracted from the dreaded dark of night! When we got to the concert though and all of the unknown faces greeted me, the reality of this loss kind of hit me right between the eyes. After all of these years I didn't see more than 3 or 4 people, besides teachers and faculty, that I actually recognized?
It's not like Denita would've been there - her kids graduated with mine pretty much - but it dawned on me that all of the people that made this a community for me in the past were gone. Whether they've died, moved on, or just had kids that grew out of the school doesn't really matter, they're gone just the same. Blah, what a crappy feeling - I need to find my smile tonite. My face feels like I've had a bad dose of Botox! :(
Anyway, Kay kind of brought everything in perspective the other day when she said to not feel bad for her, we're the ones that are left to feel the loss and she won't be in pain anymore. I could tell that that was how she really felt and wasn't just trying to cheer me up. She was so silly about it all that it just really made me look at death in a whole different way - I sure do love that woman! :]
So with that, even though even the local doggies seem to be passing away from obscure diseases and I have only a handful of friends left, I vow to carry on - no more dark posts, no more will the stale pall of death and loss overshadow me! I will do as Kay has bid; live with everything you have, enjoy every moment, and pass from this world knowing you've left something behind that's worthy of remembering you by!
Done and done - now, I'm going to go be with my babies and new puppy and breathe in the air that carries the hope that only holidays like Christmas can give - life doesn't stand still for anyone, and it is our choice what we do with what we have....
Blessings,
Freida

Do you ever feel that you're in some sort of dream that you can't wake up from? It's been like that all of my life and I can't help but feel even more dazed and confused as I watch the scenes from snippets of dark movies flash blurringly all around me.
Day before yesterday I ran into my friend's daughter at Walgreen's. After a few moments of catch-up she asked if Roger had told me about her mom. I said he hadn't mentioned anything and she hesitated for a moment before revealing that Denita was in the ICU and wasn't expected to live through the holidays.
I couldn't help the tears as she related how her condition had so rapidly advanced and she was now a mere 56lbs and delirious.
Denita's been sick for quite a few years - nearly ever since I've known her. A type of leukemia that she seemed to have in control. We had talked a few times about what might happen and the time frame involved, but it just never dawned on me that she could go so quickly, and without so much as a whimper. I saw her last in Walmart, so skinny, toting an oxygen machine and driving around in a motorized cart. She didn't look good, but she was saying that they just didn't have her meds right... I always take for granted, I guess, that my friends and family will be around forever and don't pay attention the way I should. But she was busy, being with her daughter, whom she'd had so much trouble with. It was nice to see them together and that is what I was focused on. She really didn't seem to 'need' me like before and I felt that as soon as the drs got everything 'straightened out' she'd be her same old self... too late, always :(
I'm hoping that I will get caught up on orders and get to go see her in the next couple of days. Surely I have some time still?
I think they're all getting a little tired of my sadness and the 'impending doom' look I have when I see them. Kay is so sweet, but I know when I talk to her that she gets annoyed at my tears - of course she'd rather have some quality time with her friend than this!
I'll be seeing her tomorrow, but she has to wear a mask and such so that if I have any germs she won't pass from the exposure I could subject her to. I'll probably stand on the porch and talk to her through the screen door. Another reminder that life is WAY too short! :(
And now, Jim is waiting for Mary's kids to arrive to say goodbye, before they let her go. She hasn't regained consciousness and the doctor said today that half of her heart has died. He's beside himself in grief, but is trying desperately to put on a strong face for everyone. I have such a hard time trying to figure out how this could've happened. I know we're not supposed to question the wisdom of God, but I really don't feel this is something of a benevolent God's doing!
So I asked Ryan tonight why everyone around me is going away? I don't know if it's that I'm older and therefore everyone else is older, and that's what you inevitably go through with an older circle of friends.
I'm not sure what is going on, but I really don't like it - not one bit!!

I was sick all weekend - yuk! :( I did manage to reach over to my keyboard here and there and try to breathe some life back in my limp and fevered body, but only with limited success. I told my husband, "I'm dizzy". He replied, "But you're not blonde!?" Shame on him! For the bad joke as well as making fun of my plight!
I feel a modicum better and am hoping that, as I attempt to pick up where I left off before the strep grabbed me, literally, by the throat, you will forgive again my lapse of fortitude! I'm getting older, and things seem to hit me harder these days :(

I really wanted to blog last night - it was a definite withdrawal situation! I had so many things I wanted to write about! Especially this; "How to Change Your Hobby into Your Business". It's funny that I couldn't muster the strength to do so, and very fortunate at the same time! I realize now it was the Big Guy's way of keeping me from making a serious idiot of myself, and can only say, "Thanks BG!" in return for the divine intervention!!
At various times through the day, as my fever broke, I would try to get on here and send a quip or two and conduct a little 'business'. All the while I was trying to imagine what I would say about this topic.
It was strange how I would get distracted by everything I saw on here and fail to write "The Post"? I had great intentions of helping others, but at 2am it washed over me - the knowledge that I lacked the experience and know-how to write such a post!!
How uppity, how totally self-involved and conceited I was to think that I could write to you about how to start, grow, and maintain a truly successful business! If I know so much about it, why don't I have one?!!!?

I have been allowed, although, the vision that maybe it will be more informational/entertaining if I ask you to go along with me on my journey to moving my, slightly more than, hobby/business into a full-fledge entrepreneurship and hope you will advise, critique, and help mold me into the successful woman I would so love to be! Will you go with me on this journey? I would be honored if you would! =0)

Okay, so onward and upward!

I wanted to update you all on Mary's progress this morning; She's taken a backward turn again, falling prey to obscure, rare infections that were received during surgery and her subsequent tracheotomy. Jim told me the two names for the infections she's fighting, but I certainly can't remember even vaguely what they are, but they are serious he says :0(
Jim is staying by her side, night and day, and when I told him that he was beginning to gain so much medical knowledge that he probably knew more than the doctors, he confirmed as much by telling me of the massive amount of papers strewn across the table in his conversion van that he's been trying to understand and keep up with. So much for being "too old to learn new things"!!
I'm overwhelmed with compassion for him as he sounds so beaten and exhausted, but optimistic, as Mary is still conscious and tries to speak to him.
Last night as he was getting ready to go out to the van to await his next 30 minute session, she wrapped her arm around his neck in an attempt to have him take her with him. She's tired, and tired of being there. I can only imagine what it's like! Being able to think and feel, but not really communicate! How awful!! So I'm hoping that you will continue to pray diligently for this couple as I believe it's working!

Friday I called Kay to talk about her Broncos helmet I'm making her for one of her Christmas presents this year and heard that she is incredibly ill - I hope that you will pray for her as well as her doctor told her on her last visit to "get in contact with Hospice"! :0( I'm losing everyone I care about and it's mind numbing :0(

Kay started out as a client - she wanted a scene on the entertainment center her husband was building and is in love with mountain lions. I can't remember how she found me, but I'm glad she did!
I seem to always end up being friends with my clients but Kay has always been special. Every year she makes sure that I create her gifts for her sons and nephews - football pieces usually - and loves it when I make her a "good deal"!:) This year I'm making a Dolphin's helmet and a Bronco's helmet.
Anyway, I called to ask whether she wanted the 'old style' Broncos helmet or the newer, simpler, design, as well as to check up on her. She has rheumatoid arthritis and is getting more and more housebound. This year she found out she has COPD and wasn't really sure what all of that meant until she came back this last month with the news that she has emphysema and her lung capacity was at 38%. She totally 'got it' then - I don't understand why the doctors didn't explain it to her so that she could've helped herself to not get worse with the COPD? She doesn't either - she says they never once told her to quit smoking or change anything she was doing? Now, it's too late. But she did quit...
We talked about how, when one of her nephews died suddenly last year, we would want to know in advance if we were going to die so that we could 'set things in order' before we went. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but Friday she told me that it's not good to know; everyone's watching her all of the time, and her husband is overwrought with stress and anxiety, fearing that he'll wake up one morning and she'll be gone. She's not sure she's even going to be here for Christmas and it's the hardest thing in the world, I think now, to know you're going soon! :0( All of this over the last few years has really had an affect on the way I think about death, friendship, love, and the truly important 'stuff' of life...

After all of the miracles with Mary, I told Kay that I would ask you for prayers - she said she would be so grateful for any help you could send in that department! I believe in miracles and the power of prayer - I don't know of any other way for the impossible to become possible!

So I always have a lot to say, but I know that you may not be able to handle having to read a novel during your busy, busy day, so I'll close with {{{hugs}}} and a [Thank you!] for all of the help, encouragement, and prayers you send! I need it, love it, and appreciate it, more than you'll ever know!

Thanks, as always, for "stopping by the shop!"
Freida