Deer Mountain Wood Art

Pretty much all of my friends locally, that is, know what's going on with me so I haven't worried too much about things like this. While I'm trying to get back on my feet I've received many notices such as Project Wonderful's robot warning.
I hate being sick - but this time it's been worse on my psyche more than my body. While I'm in constant pain, I manage, kind of. But the fact that it's affecting my behavior so much is disabling. I can't write anyone back, follow through on anything, I've totally left the dishes to everyone else. I reached out a couple of weeks ago to tell my friends from my book project that I was sick but hoping to get back to 'normal' soon and continue on with the book, but I've been unable to answer any of their emails :( I'm very frustrated and depressed, but still I remain optimistic.
Since I had an attack of sciatica in January, which still continues with my left foot slowly going numb from my arch up my leg, I've been on several answer-seeking journeys to the doctors. Finally last month I was told I have MS. Now, like I've said, I'm not sure right now what that means for me, I have a doctor appointment the 30th of June and hopefully will get better answers. In the meantime, here I remain.
My second oldest son is graduating from HS this morning and I'm not ready - totally depressed(feels like an elephant's on my chest), and don't want to endure the pain of having to take a shower.... sigh
It will get better, I'm sure it will. But I haven't written in so long - think about it often - but just haven't been able to. Getting this second notice from Project Wonderful prompted me I guess into finally writing and letting everyone know what's going on.
To all of the faithful followers and supporters of this blog, I treasure you and hope that you'll stick it out with me - I know it's gotta get better! But I will do my best to get to the writing as I'm able.
You're very important to me - we may be strangers for the most part, but gosh you've been through so much with me! and I consider you all friends.
I will be back soon - thanks for being there :)
Freida

Well, it's sure been a week - everything happens around here at the same time.
I was helping Jim Monday with arrangements for Mary, which seemed somewhat easier being on this side this time. Jim did well, and I was proud of him. The funeral director lady was a little too pragmatic for me, but I tried to keep Jim busy through her mantra about bodies and dates of arrivals etc... it was weird.
When we went back to Jim's he showed us a book that Mary had written in 1989; Hortense and Gertrude. I have heard that title before and found myself quite intrigued to find out she had several more volumes of children's stories she'd written. He might let me publish them and I'm easily thrilled by the idea of carrying on her legacy! :) I wish I could do something about her home - the walls are covered in beautiful eagles she's painted and little kitschy stuff everywhere - very eclectic but warm and homey - a style that is very close to the very core of me! What a creative and talented soul she was!! Maybe something good will come of all of this?
I had planned the next day to go see Denita. It started snowing but I found myself still happy about the journey to see my friend. I realized that she may not even know I was there, but still I would be by her side for a little while.
It continued to get colder and the snow deeper, but whatever - I can usually do what I put my mind to, so what's a little snow!?
The next morning I awoke to around 9" of fresh frozen snow - the wind was picking up and I was beginning to seriously wonder about my decision. I heard the phone ring, but I was rushing around getting orders ready to post, so I didn't realize that anything important was going on until Roger's words stopped me in my tracks, "Denita died last night". He was so monotone that I thought I may have misunderstood so I kept standing there waiting for him to clarify his statement. I hadn't heard wrong though. sigh... He had told Vivian that I was out working and would call her later. I guess he was hoping that by his telling me that it would be easier to take. In a way it may have appeared so, but in truth it just made it seem more surreal. I didn't cry really, and haven't until tonight.
We had a Christmas concert to go to tonight - running down the mountain on icy winding roads is enough to keep me distracted from the dreaded dark of night! When we got to the concert though and all of the unknown faces greeted me, the reality of this loss kind of hit me right between the eyes. After all of these years I didn't see more than 3 or 4 people, besides teachers and faculty, that I actually recognized?
It's not like Denita would've been there - her kids graduated with mine pretty much - but it dawned on me that all of the people that made this a community for me in the past were gone. Whether they've died, moved on, or just had kids that grew out of the school doesn't really matter, they're gone just the same. Blah, what a crappy feeling - I need to find my smile tonite. My face feels like I've had a bad dose of Botox! :(
Anyway, Kay kind of brought everything in perspective the other day when she said to not feel bad for her, we're the ones that are left to feel the loss and she won't be in pain anymore. I could tell that that was how she really felt and wasn't just trying to cheer me up. She was so silly about it all that it just really made me look at death in a whole different way - I sure do love that woman! :]
So with that, even though even the local doggies seem to be passing away from obscure diseases and I have only a handful of friends left, I vow to carry on - no more dark posts, no more will the stale pall of death and loss overshadow me! I will do as Kay has bid; live with everything you have, enjoy every moment, and pass from this world knowing you've left something behind that's worthy of remembering you by!
Done and done - now, I'm going to go be with my babies and new puppy and breathe in the air that carries the hope that only holidays like Christmas can give - life doesn't stand still for anyone, and it is our choice what we do with what we have....
Blessings,
Freida

Wow, do I wish I could work in this new IT world!! I could see myself in the place of my dreams; Australia!! Working for one of the top 500 websites in the world? Not too shabby! BUT, since I can't, here's the link for all of you lucky bloaks! :) These are awesome, top rated opportunities that I would've died to have when I was a young, geeky, IT professional! God, I envy you!!!!!

Back in the day - yes, I used that line!!lol - when I was in my late teens I proudly toted my KayPro 4'84 around, running the only 24/7 BBS in the Northern California area(at 300BPM!?!) and founding the Crescent City Computer Users Group. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips! I even went to Denny's Corporate office in LaMirada, CA to teach them how to use the Accounts Receivables software they were attempting to implement...

I was also running my own computerized bookkeeping company as well as working for JAJones Construction as payroll clerk and bookkeeper on the Pelican Bay Prison project. I taught them how to computerize all of their accounting and payroll and was set to travel the world! I'd just been offered a job that would put me in Egypt - I was unstoppable - until I met my first husband; Jake... I won't even go there! I'll just say 2 years of hell and inevitable bankruptcy and I was left with two babies and no job. Yike!

When I finally woke up and came to my senses, I divorced Jake and met my second husband, Lynn. We had our ups and downs but were happy, and I was happy, devoted to being a good mom, leaving the high-tech/business world behind.

I was working in a BP gas station, in Brookings, OR, when I met David White. He and I got to talking and after he talked with everyone I knew or ever did know I found myself programming CAD/CAM for David's highly respected software company, SimSoft, Inc. - PCModel and CADMotion were my toddlers - as well as Shipping Director to dozens of countries and answering questions for CADmotion users such as IBM and hundreds of top Universities... damn! I miss those days!!

I look back at some of my papers and notebooks and can't believe I was the one writing that stuff!?! I was even one of the first Certified Testers for dBaseIV and wrote several programs with that beautiful piece of engineering =D

In in the height of my 'career', in June 1992, my hubby, Lynn, took his life and I lost my mind. David begged me to reconsider my irrational move to Colorado and even offered to set me up here, where I could start and headup the MidUS office he would open, just for me!?! I flat turned him down - I had to leave, escape, run! I was out of my mind and ended up dragging my, just-turned 2 and 4 year old, babies across country to a place I had never been... In some ways, Colorado saved my life, in some ways destroyed it. I can pretty much say that anything I had to do with computers ended that year. But I can't blame a place for my insanity and grief! I just wish sometimes I'd had listened to those that told me to wait until my mind quit reeling...

Anyway, this was supposed to be an article about finding a great job opportunity! I don't know what happened, but if you've read this far down, then I don't know what to say!?lol You've got to be bored senseless!!!!! Now, get back to work! =D

I'm outta here! Just got another puzzle order last night and I have to get going - it was sure interesting reminiscing about all of this old stuff - memories... hummmm

Thanks, always!, for "stopping by the shop!" and listening to my ramblings... I've been inhaling way too much lacquer, sawdust, whatever, though this morning I think...

Peace,
Freida



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